By Tracy Fulwood

Time for training?

It may surprise you to discover that understanding your child's personality type can make a big difference in helping you to train them to use the toilet.

Every child needs to be toilet trained. We use the toilet each day, multiple times. Something we do so often, so easily, should transfer readily when it comes to training a smaller version of ourselves. The key is to approach toilet training with the same battle cry you would use if you wanted your child to eat their vegetables. Placing too much emphasis on the event will not only unduly stress yourself, but your child as well. The good news is that the key is in the details, not the mountain. Focussing on these small details will make all the difference to your toilet training success.

Know your child

Anyone with more than one child knows that every child is different. Knowing how your child ticks plays an integral part in not only the toilet training process, but in every aspect of our parenting. This becomes more evident when you are attempting to get your child to do something they don't want to do.

Going to the toilet can be one of those key events where strong objections are displayed. Equally frustrating, complacency (not caring if they are wet or dirty), although more subtle, can be even harder to overcome than the more obvious screaming child. Knowing your child's personality, and their strengths and weaknesses, will play an important part in overcoming these objections. So what is your child's personality type?

Personality & toilet training

Using the personality profile from Personality Plus For Parents by Florence Littauer (Gary Allen, $22.95), the four personality types include Perfect Melancholy, Playful Sanguine, Powerful Choleric and Peaceful Phlegmatic.

Although there is no black and white, your child will display certain traits particular to one or two of these personality types. One usually stands out more than the other and by knowing this, you can change the way you parent to help lessen your child's weaknesses and reinforce their strengths. The end result being, you will have a more confident and compliant child as you are speaking a language that they specifically understand.

1 The Perfect Melancholy

You know you are raising this child by the number of questions they ask. The Perfect Melancholy tends to be the "genius of the world" because they think so deeply about everything. They will be genuinely interested in how a toilet works, where the poos go and why they wee when they try to poo. It doesn't matter the subject, there will be a guaranteed question associated with it, and 'because' is not a good enough answer for them.

If your child hasn't started talking, they will be cautious before attempting anything new. They tend to observe, analyse and then proceed with any new activity or environment. They are not comfortable with change and hold routine close to their hearts. When toilet training a Melancholy child, the best thing you can offer them is information. They need to process before attempting anything new to ensure they can do it, and do it perfectly. There is a clear delineation between right and wrong, and all the "Is" need to be dotted and "Ts" crossed, aligned and in the correct order. Subsequently, explaining why, how, when and where before you start toilet training, during and after the event, will work wonders with this child. Have a definite game plan established and be consistent with the routine.

2 The Playful Sanguine

The complete opposite to the Melancholy child, it is easy to spot a Playful Sanguine when you enter a room. They are the loudest, brightest and most colourful person there, usually surrounded by a gang of followers. The extrovert, this child is not interested in the details; they just want to have fun. Most toddlers are prone to this, but it is an even stronger trait with a Sanguine - it is all about me! The Sanguine child loves attention. They love people, social outings, talking, laughing, playing, moving; they just don't sit still for long. Give a Melancholy a good book or puzzle and they can sit for hours, whereas a Sanguine will lose interest after a minute or so. When trying to toilet train a Sanguine child, it needs to be an adventure. As soon as it becomes boring you have lost them. Having a party to celebrate just the start of the event is speaking their language. Invite the neighbours, the dog, grandma and the postman, grab party hats, confetti, the works; having everyone standing round watching them on the toilet will be a huge success.

3 The Powerful Choleric

The strong-headed, bossy boots of the family is the Powerful Choleric. They can manage to assert their authority onto siblings who are years ahead of them and get what they want. Cholerics are the born leaders of the world, and if you know how to work with this child they tend to be the easiest to toilet train. They are very independent and want to do everything their way because they are always right.

The key to raising this child is choices. They need to feel they have made the decision themselves. You can't have a two-year-old controlling the decisions of the household, so they need to be making your decisions: 'Do you want an apple or a banana?' 'Would you like to use the toilet or the potty?' Give a Choleric child the illusion of control by offering the outcome you desire with the consequence: 'Try to do wees on the toilet before we leave for the playground, or miss out on going. It's your choice, sweetie.'

A Choleric child desires independence, so when toilet training give them this freedom. Let them pull their pants up and down, turn on the light, climb up themselves, flush etc. It makes for a longer process initially, but you will be rewarded in the end with an independent toilet champion who can do it all himself.

4 The Peaceful Phlegmatic

This adorable child is probably the easiest of the personalities to bring up because they are so compliant, but they are often the hardest to toilet train. The opposite of the driven Choleric, the Peaceful Phlegmatic child is very laid-back. When toilet training a Phlegmatic, you need to constantly guide them. Subsequently, motivation is the challenge because they often don't care if they are wet or dirty. If it requires effort the Phlegmatic child will shy away; happier to take the easy, more relaxed road. It is difficult to get them to finish anything.

Although they are laid-back, beware. The Phlegmatic can be very stubborn and will simply refuse if they don't want to do something. Start toilet training earlier than later with the Phlegmatic and dig deep to find what motivates them. You just have to work that little bit harder and keep reminding them to go even after they are fully toilet trained.

Be prepared

Consistency is the key to successful toilet training. Having a game plan helps to maintain that consistency for both the parent and the child. Your game plan will be different depending on the age of your child, their personality and what is happening in everyone's life. If you are about to go away on holidays, where daily routines will be broken, then it is probably best to start when you get back.

Stay home to start

It is desirable to stay home for three to five days so you can lay the foundation and set up a routine. Obviously you can't stay home forever, but the dedicated time will give a greater chance for lots of practise and to establish clear boundaries.

Potty or toilet?

The decision to use a potty or a toilet is often based on personal preference and the age of your child. If your child loves the potty, then start with that. It can be less daunting closer to the ground. The potty is just temporary though so you need to consider the further step of transitioning to the toilet, as well as cleaning the potty out. If you go straight to the toilet, you will need either a toilet seat insert or the more convenient toilet seats that have a child and adult seat in one. When you think of everyday use for two to four years per child, which product you choose is a key consideration. When using the toilet, a small stool can assist with climbing on.

Know your child's bladder size

Spend the first day monitoring your child to establish how often they need to go. You may already know their poo routine, so placing them on at the right time is the key. This is how you initially teach your child. Before they can work out what their body is doing, bladder release is involuntary. By getting your child to the toilet at the right times you eliminate hit and miss incidents. The more successes you have, the quicker they can identify what their body is doing. What you need to say is, 'Let's go to the toilet.' Asking, 'Do you want to go?' will give you a 'no' answer every time.

Lose the nappy

Your child needs to feel wet and uncomfortable in order to know what their body is doing. Normal disposable nappies take this sensation away. Otherwise, you could try modern cloth nappies or waterproof toilet training pants. The cause and effect - wee feels wet - is integral to the process. If you want to toilet train quickly, lose the nappy during waking hours to start with.

Make it fun

Children want to have fun. Toilet training can get boring - so know your child's personality, then you will be able to identify what fun really means to them. If you are a Sanguine mum and hold a huge toilet party for your Melancholy daughter because it is your idea of fun, you may not get the response you were after. Think like a child and know your child.

Readiness

Age has nothing to do with toilet training readiness. A child can show signs of being ready to use the big toilet at 10 months, 18 months, two years or older. Some signs of readiness include:

• pulling at their nappy
• dislike of wearing a nappy
• telling or showing you they have gone, before or after the fact
• showing interest in the toilet, for example watching mum and dad go (recommended) or playing with the toilet
• saying 'wees' and 'poos'
• regular poo routine
• dry nappy during their day sleep.

If your child is showing any of these signs, it is time to start. This is when it is going to be the easiest. Alternatively, if your child is showing no signs of readiness and they are two or older, then you need to decide if you want to start regardless, with the backup of knowing your child's needs. .

PRACTICAL HINTS & TIPS

Try these helpful guidelines for getting your baby out of nappies:

• 'You wipe, Mummy finish.' Your child needs to learn how to do it on his or her own. Establish the boundary from the beginning so they can practise, and you know when to stop helping.
• Put toilet paper in the bottom of the potty. It makes it easier to tip poo into the toilet. Adding water also helps. Afterwards, add foaming soap then spray with a disinfectant and wipe dry.
• Say, 'Bye-bye nappy.' Help your child understand this very important process by literally getting them to throw their nappy in the bin and wave goodbye to it.
• Take your child shopping and let them buy their own underpants with their own purse or wallet. Involve them in the journey.
• To overcome the "poo challenge" - running away to hide or wanting the nappy back on to poo - you need to refocus and make it fun. Turn the process into a game to help your child relax their muscles while on the toilet.
• Monkey see, monkey do is the best way to teach a child, and wee-wees like Daddy is the easiest way to teach a boy. Teach him the correct way from the beginning and it will build his confidence to be just like Daddy.
• When leaving home, use a travel potty/toilet seat insert to maintain consistency. Pack spare clothes and a plastic bag or waterproof tote bag to contain accidents.

This article is brought to you by My Child Magazine.

My Child is a fantastic parenting, health and lifestyle magazine that helps mums and dads know what to expect during pregnancy and birth, babyhood and the toddler and preschool years. There are great articles, heart-warming stories, personal tales of parents' experiences, and gorgeous fashion, interiors, style and product pages. This is Australia's first truly stylish and informative parenting magazine. Available quarterly. You can also visit our friendly forum or subscribe at www.mychildmagazine.com.au.

Back to top »