Keen to raise your kids to be happy, confident and responsible?

Here are six simple steps to succeeding. And don't be hard on yourself if you make mistakes along the way - we all do! 

There's so much pressure these days to be perfect parents. But what does this skill really entail?

Of course,there's no specific way to get everything right, and happy children come from all different types of homes, but here are some parenting guidelines to help you to raise happy, confident and responsible children.

1. Provide unconditional love
   • You are the primary influence on your child's sense of self-worth and her ability to face the world with confidence.
   • Help your child to feel cherished by giving her your time and attention daily.
   • A little one-on-one time playing together, reading a book or just chatting gives your child the message that she is special and important.
   • Show your child that you appreciate her by listening when she talks and by acknowledging her feelings, even when you don't agree with them.
   • Show encouragement by recognising her efforts - 'You tried really hard making that drawing' - rather than her results ('Beautiful drawing').
   • Doing so will make your child less reliant on the approval of others.
   • And, most importantly, show her you love her with small acts of love, such as smiling when she walks into the room, winking when you say goodbye and giving her many cuddles and 'I love you's'.
     
2. Use positive discipline strategies
   • Your child will learn best to distinguish right from wrong if you set clear and consistent limits and consequences.
   • Ignore her attention-seeking behaviours, such as whingeing.
   • When you begin to slip into a power struggle, take a step back, tell her you'll deal with it later and take care of it when you've calmed down.
   • When she breaks a minor rule, like jumping on the bed, give her a warning or a reprimand.
   • Use small consequences for minor issues ('I will put the toy away now since you can't share it with your friend') and time-out for more serious ones such as aggression or disobedience.
   • Discipline should not be about punishing your child, but rather about teaching and guiding her towards good behaviour.
   • Model positive behaviour such as using "please" and "thanks" to teach her manners, and don't resort to shouting and smacking when you're angry.
   • Notice or praise your child's positive behaviour ('Thanks for bringing your plate to the kitchen') and spend time with her in order to minimise misbehaviours aimed at gaining your attention.
     

Back to top »

3. Teach responsibility
   • One of thegreatest gifts your child can learn is that she is responsible for the choices she makes and the consequences of her actions.
   • Offer her choices whenever you can, such as, 'Would you like to wear your pink or white dress today?'
   • Give her age-appropriate chores so she learns that she's responsible for contributing to your household.
   • Encourage her to tackle new skills, even if she hasn't yet developed them.
   • When she struggles at learning something new, give her a chance to work it out before rushing in and doing it for her.
   • If she can't work out how to deal with a certain scenario, get her involved in finding a solution.
   • If your toddler is crying because another child grabbed her favourite toy, encourage her to go with you and ask for the toy back.
   • The idea is to find different ways for your child to get used to thinking for herself so that she relies on herself rather than the opinion and approval of others.
     
4. Use routines & rituals
   • Dinnertime, bedtime, weekly outings and other routines and rituals make a real difference to kids.
   • Family routines help them to feel a sense of control and predictability.
   • Children are reassured by knowing dinner will be followed by a bath, PJs, brushing teeth and reading a story.
   • Rituals such as pizza night on Fridays and a family day out on Sundays create a sense of security and belonging.
   • Rituals can also take the form of a special way to say goodbye, such as with a kiss, cuddle and high five.
   • These special family time activities provide children with much more than having fun or being together - they give children special memories that they cherish for years to come.
     
5. Don't be a Supermum
   • A great parent is one who realises that in the job of preparing their child for life, they actually need to teach them the realities.
   • Children need to understand that no-one is perfect and no-one is going to be able to always please them and meet their needs.
   • A great parent aims to give their child what's most important while also realising that looking after their own needs as a parent is essential, and that it's OK to make mistakes.
   • We all make mistakes as parents, and kids are very forgiving when we do. What matters to them most is that we do well most of the time rather than the few times we go wrong.
   • Lower your standards to a more reasonable level. And rather than dwelling on the past and what you did wrong, focus on the future and how you can better handle the same situation the next time it occurs.
     
6. Look after yourself
   • Parents who look after everyone else and neglect themselves aren't doing anyone a favour, because no-one can keep giving and giving without becoming depleted.
   • The better you feel about yourself, the more effective a parent you can be. So take time out to catch up with a friend, watch a movie or take a yoga class.
   • Do whatever it is that suits you to renew yourself, have fun or relax. It's OK to tell your child, 'I am doing something for me.' After all, she is going to learn to model herself on you so that one day she, too, will know how to look after herself.

This article is brought to you by My Child Magazine.
Words Chantal Gazal.

My Child is a fantastic parenting, health and lifestyle magazine that helps mums and dads know what to expect during pregnancy and birth, babyhood and the toddler and preschool years. There are great articles, heart-warming stories, personal tales of parents' experiences, and gorgeous fashion, interiors, style and product pages. This is Australia's first truly stylish and informative parenting magazine. Available quarterly. You can also visit our friendly forum or subscribe at www.mychildmagazine.com.au.