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Parenting by the stars

Determined disciplinarian, or firm but fair?
According to astrologer Sherrynne Dalby, your approach to parenting may have already been determined by the signs of the zodiac

Before finding out about your child's horoscope, it's always useful to know where your own parenting strengths and weaknesses lie, keeping in mind that how you react as a parent will also depend on what sign your child is.

Understanding the possibilities and potential flashpoints will help you be the best mum or dad possible.

ARIES PARENT

THE ARIES FATHER can be a little overbearing, leading by example rather than words. More sensitive children can feel intimidated and this father needs to learn to read the signals coming from his children. However, he will be warm and affectionate to them, and enjoy being an active participant in their lives. He can be a little like a supplanted older sibling when a new baby first arrives, and still needs to feel he is important to his partner. There can be a tendency with the Aries dad to not know when too much of a good thing is harmful, such as a tickle match just before bedtime. Try to keep the more exuberant play for before bath- or dinnertime and try more gentle play or a bedtime story just before bed.

THE ARIES MOTHER doesn't mollycoddle her children. Taking care of the practicalities, she expects a certain level of independence and self- sufficiency and is not overly fussy. She will be a firm disciplinarian, expecting obedience. She will teach her children to believe in fairytales and magic, and enjoy walking in her child's fantasy. Like the Aries father, this mother needs to be aware that her sometimes brash manner can be upsetting to her more sensitive children, in particular those born under the water signs.

TAURUS PARENT

THE TAURUS FATHER will be openly loving and patient and willing to spend time teaching their child anything he feels is important, and a lot of these lessons will revolve around the need for security. He administers discipline firmly but fairly. It takes a lot to rile this parent and others may be amazed at the restraint he shows when trying to instil respect and tolerance into his offspring. There can be a tendency to rule with an iron fist and be inflexible. He will be warm and sympathetic when needed but also able to give sound practical advice.

THE TAURUS MOTHER is in her element with the baby and toddler in her life but may have difficulty when that cute, cuddly being turns into a hormone-fuelled teenager. Partly due to her love of beauty and peace, she can be too strict and demanding. She expects her children to be obedient, and can become the angry bull if she feels her discipline is being thwarted. She will not tolerate laziness in her children and gives them a strong sense of responsibility.

GEMINI PARENT

THE GEMINI FATHER does not generally make a good disciplinarian and although he is unlikely to lose his temper physically, his natural cutting wit can do serious damage to the developing young ego of his child. Consistency is something Geminis can have a problem with, yet children need consistency in order to feel secure. Dad will be in his element being a big kid with his children, and will be happy to get on the floor and play and help them to be relaxed with themselves. At the same time, though, this father needs to be able to provide them with stability and security.

THE GEMINI MOTHER also relishes the fun side of parenthood. She will instil a sense of independence into her brood but they may feel a lack of stability. This mother will be concerned with her child's academic achievements but needs to guard against this being the only way her child can gain her approval. She can spend hours lost in imagination and play with her kids, encouraging their minds to expand, which can also be helpful for bonding. But it is equally important to give them a routine and security.

CANCER PARENT

THE CANCER FATHER is caring, gentle and sympathetic, has a great sense of humour and enjoys the opportunity to play. Even the local kids will beat a path to his door. He is proud and fiercely protective of his children, ultimately patient and is genuinely concerned for their wellbeing. The problems manifest with this dad when the children get older and begin to show their independence. Cancer needs to be needed. His love and concern, while admirable, can be seen as controlling by his children. The art is to find that fine line and not step over it too often.

THE CANCER MOTHER creates a warm and comfortable environment for her children. She may not be the neatest housekeeper, but the home will always be welcoming, with wonderful aromas emanating from the kitchen as she tempts her brood with her latest culinary efforts. The Cancer mother tends to resort to comfort-feeding to solve all ills and this can result in an overfed child physically and a mum who is overly manipulative or clingy when it comes to her kids. This manipulation can be the price for comfort.

LEO PARENT

THE LEO FATHER demands respect from his kids but does not make a very good disciplinarian. Look to the animal namesake; it is the lioness who is responsible for the raising of the offspring, while the male demands the adoration of his pride. He can be a fun dad, affectionate and adoring, but is too easily manipulated - especially by his daughters, who will have his measure early on, knowing that the right flattery will almost guarantee them what they want.

THE LEO MOTHER will be the disciplinarian and can often quieten her rowdy brood with just a look. She will frolic with her children and give love generously. She is not always able to clearly see the faults in her kids, but when she does she is very strict and expects obedience. She will also demand certain standards to be kept, especially in public. Even though she is firm, she is generous and can go overboard with little luxuries. This mum would protect her kids with her life but does not smother them, keeping an eye on them from a safe distance, ready to pounce if the need arises.

VIRGO PARENT

THE VIRGO FATHER is a conscientious parent who enjoys teaching his kids new skills. He will sit with them, assisting with their homework, and encourage them to develop hobbies. There will be an emphasis on intellectual pursuits and this father will also instil a firm base for ethics and moral behaviour. Not a father to spoil his children, he will provide a secure and loving environment with firm discipline and respect for the rules. His downfall is in physically expressing his love, which does not come naturally to him.

THE VIRGO MOTHER is a firm but fair disciplinarian, taking good care of her children's physical, moral and educational needs. Like the Virgo father, she may find it more difficult to take care of the emotional needs of her kids but will provide warm and gentle affection when comfortable and relaxed within herself. Able to show the softer side to her children, she can be quite funny and entertaining. The child of the Virgo mother may visit the doctor more than the average child but will develop healthy habits and an understanding of their own body.

LIBRA PARENT

THE LIBRA FATHER is generally a calm character who rarely shows his ruffled feathers. He will administer discipline fairly and with logic. He can bore the pants off the youngsters with his lectures but will enjoy taking them on trips to the local museum or art gallery and honing their social skills in group situations. He will entertain their friends with grace and style and be willing to pull his weight in school and community organisations.

THE LIBRA MOTHER will make sure that her kids have a neat and tidy living environment. She sees her primary role as preparing her children to take their place in society. Good manners, correct speech and diplomacy are high on her list, along with a good education. 'Make sure you have clean underwear on in case you get hit by a bus' is the cry the child may hear on leaving the house. Keeping up appearances is important.

SCORPIO PARENT

THE SCORPIO FATHER can be overbearing and wield his authority in a high-handed manner. His children will have no doubt as to who is in charge. They will feel secure with his strength and conviction but may rail against the tight yoke they feel he places on them. He can be light-hearted and enjoy playing with his children but with this father there are very firm boundaries that must not be crossed. He gives his children a sense of purpose and encourages them to be independent and stand up for themselves, knowing that he is standing right behind.

THE SCORPIO MOTHER, although not the most tender caregiver, gives her kids the feeling of security. She will encourage them in their endeavours, especially if they show a talent in a particular area. This is the mum who willingly takes her child to the local pool every morning at 5am for training, or to ballet or music classes five days a week. She makes a good confidante and her kids will recognise this quality, along with her willingness to hear them out without judgment. There are usually good lines of communication in this mother-child relationship. Her children will also recognise her strength and wisdom, which she has usually gained from experience.

SAGITTARIUS PARENT

THE SAGITTARIUS FATHER may not be a doting dad to the baby or toddler; in fact, he can find this stage quite a puzzle. However, once his kids are old enough to join him on his escapades, it becomes a different story. This dad generally becomes closer to his children the older they get and, unlike some of the other signs, is unfazed by teenage tantrums. His brutal frankness can be unnerving for more sensitive kids but his sense of humour will usually get him out of trouble.

THE SAGITTARIUS MOTHER would rather be a friend than parent to her children. She can be so busy with her own pursuits that she is unaware of her children's needs, and her own need for freedom and independence does not make for a security-rich environment for her child. If she is aware of her own needs and is able to balance these with her child's needs, a great relationship can result as she teaches her children to be independent, free-thinking souls, with a wide range of interests and experiences.

CAPRICORN PARENT

THE CAPRICORN FATHER likes to be the boss and is a strong disciplinarian. He will not tolerate backchat and may seem overly strict or even old- fashioned to his children. He'll provide them with stability and everything they need, although not always what they want. The Capricorn father expects obedience and respect and instils these qualities in his children. Not prone to frivolity, this father tends to take life too seriously. Children can be the perfect lightener, bringing him out of his shell and teaching him that life is not all responsibility but can be fun as well.

THE CAPRICORN MOTHER has a connection to tradition and is also a mother who likes to be involved in the community. She will tend to have a busy schedule and will incorporate her kids' requirements into this. She will teach them respect for their elders and tradition, and expect them to behave appropriately. She will also instil in her children a sense of economy that may border on miserliness, insisting that full value be obtained from everything, including wearing clothing until it is absolutely worn out.

AQUARIUS PARENT

THE AQUARIUS FATHER will have a fairly relaxed attitude to parenting and seems to handle most situations with ease. Part of the reason he appears to do so well is that he is often detached from the reality around him. He will encourage his kids in their endeavours, try to make it to all the soccer games, swimming carnivals, and so on, yet is likely to be late for his daughter's wedding. His kids may see him as an enigma and never really get to know him intimately, unless they can somehow join him in his own world.

THE AQUARIUS MOTHER is not physically demonstrative, and is flustered by the demands of a baby or small child. She will become involved in education and extracurricular activities, but will expect independence from her children. She may find the more emotional side of parenting a conundrum. She will gladly give time to help with school projects and will never speak down to children. Where discipline is concerned, she will be quite tolerant of her children's behaviour as long as they are honest. This household may seem very chaotic to the outside world but, while not the tightest ship in the fleet, it will be fun, with an outlook that is sympathetic and non-judgmental.

PISCES PARENT

THE PISCES FATHER will always have an open mind, and a shoulder for his kids to lean on. This is not a judgmental sign and as such dads can lack discrimination, especially with their own children. This is the dad who will tell wonderful bedtime stories of princes and frogs and good overcoming evil; who will teach them to paint using their feet on a canvas spread on the floor and allow them to express their inner selves. This household will revolve more on communal principles, where everything belongs to everyone. Discipline can also be lacking and boring things like homework may not be a high priority.

THE PISCES MOTHER has an in-built radar for detecting the wounded soul. Where other mums may be good at putting bandaids on the scraped knee, this one knows how to put them on the heart. She can sprinkle fairy dust to ward off bad dreams and fill her children's world with fantasy and magic. She will bolster their self-confidence and convince them they can be whoever they want to be. She may have difficulty, however, in setting boundaries and teaching her children self-discipline.

This article is an edited extract from Star Parenting, What Astrology Reveals About Your Child's Personality and Potential by Sherrynne Dalby (Allen & Unwin, $26.99). Pick up a copy to find out more.

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